Captain Bastard

It's either his name or his title


The Captain is a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in plate mail. Is Bastard his name? His Title? A moniker, given by a friend or a foe? Something he adopted? Something he answers to like an angry terrier responds to “down boy”?

Riding a magnificent TRex known as Higby, he is a force with the lance, a master of tactics if not of tact, a man who could plot any strategy if only he could work a map, and a guy who hasn’t worked out what “please”, “thank you” and “mercy” mean. He and Higby were the founders of the small army known solely as the Bastardeers.

Where did he come from? Hardly a hurricane of destruction, this violent breeze of getting mucked up a bit came out of now where, leading the Bastardeers. After several years of pillaging, burning, petty theft and that one case of tax fraud, the Bastardeers glorious rampage of terror was halted by the glorious Knights of Niceness, and their leader, Sir Galiant. Astride beautiful white apes, the Knights fought the Bastardeers to a halt in the named-by-some the “Battle of Justice”, named-by-others as “that time those tossers on bloody monkeys turned up and were right cocks about having big arms”. In an uncharacteristic display of camaraderie, the Bastardeers locked together to save their founder and also “the guy riding him who doesn’t stop shouting”. Swearing, figuratively and literally, bloody revenge, Captain Bastard retreated to the wild wilderness.

Now, as a member of the criminal organisation V.I.L.E, he seeks to rebuild the Bastardeers, the only requirements being “Really, really hacked off and also own and can ride their own dinosaur” and once he’s done that, he’s going tofind every member of the knights of niceness, every single one, and kick them. Really hard, like. In the CROTCH.

Captain Bastard

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