To all to whom it may ye concern, the Wanted Man knowne as “Captain Bastarde” is once again Writ at large. His crimes, being many and manifolde are described as thus : three hundred and fortie four counts of Petty Larceny; two hundred and nintie three of Wounding; fourtie and two of Brigandry; a hundred of Murder; seven hundred and nintie six of Blasmphemy and Befouling the Air; nintie of property damage; four of Cattle Theft; one of Arson in a Dockyard; and four hundred and fiftie of litering.
He stands 3 and a half cubits high, and wears armour brandished in a multiude of Foul Words in many language. His voice is course from his tulmoutous shouting, and is a Rough Unhewn man in many ways.
He rides the unforgiven beast known to him as Higby; it is a great lizard with teeth such as those of a thousands swords. It is guiltie of the crime of embezzlement.
Should either arrive in your localitie, approach them naught, for they are great harbingers of foulness and wrong. Your local constabulrie should send a message to either Captain Fabulous or Sir Galant and the Local Order of the Knights of Niceness